Fierce Mama Love

I never knew how deeply motherhood would impact my life.

It scary, but beautiful.  It is letting your heart walk around outside your body.  It is growing and birthing a tiny person, then watching them grow and eventually live without needing you to survive.

Several weeks ago, our pastor shared from Genesis 3 and how part of the curse on Eve was increased pain in childbirth.  

Meaning that no matter how old our babies get, we will always ache to see them okay in life.  We hurt when they are sick.  Hurt when they are making poor life choices.  Hurt when they struggle.  Hurt when they are hurting.  

Our mother hearts never stop beating for our babies.

So although mothering means deep aches inside and learning what it means to love and let go; it is still so beautiful.  More beautiful than I could have imagined.

It's the beauty in the miracle of new life.
Beauty in seeing a tiny person that is both you and your best friend.
Beauty in the smiles and coos, the soft hair and tiny fingers holding yours.
Beauty in the hope of another generation becoming lights in a dark world.

Then there is the beauty of suddenly understanding how big my own Mama's love it for me.  The awe of Wow, there is someone that went through all of this for me?!  Somehow the appreciation, the admiration, the love explodes as you realize how truly amazing your own Mama really is.

This was my beautiful day on Sunday.

A reminder of the wonderful gift of being a mama

and of the fierce love it pours into us.

- - - - 

Emmett's Micro Nursery

When we moved into our 120-year-old house almost two years ago, we decided to rent out the upper level as it was already set-up as a seperate apartment complete with kitchen and bathroom.  This left us with one small bedroom on the main level where we live.

Our surprise Baby left us scratching our heads as to where we would put him.  There were ideas like building a wall partition in one of our front rooms to create a small space to converting our enclosed back porch into a nursery to finally saying Heck with it! the bottom drawer will do just fine. I'm kidding. . . but seriously.  Finally we decided to use the 4'x5' closet off our bedroom for our baby's little space.

We spiffed up the micro nursery with some leftover white paint from our bathroom project, carpet remnants from our bedroom remodel, a thrifted baby cradle because nothing else would fit! and an insulated curtain I made.  After Emmett was born and we ruled out all things pink and fluffy, I added some little dude-appropriate accents.  The small space can be a bit of a challenge when it comes to storing his clothes, diapers and other necessities.  Baskets have been my lifesaver and of course that huge old cupboard is pretty awesome as well. 

We love this little space for Emmett.  It's bright and sunshiny in the morning and is perfect for running in to grab him in the morning for cuddles and family time before Adam takes off for work.

Becoming Mama // A Guest Post

I had grand plans for sharing a  

mini blog series during my postpartum recovery.

It would showcase my 

favorite mom bloggers and their first moments with their babies.  

The ways they felt.  The ways they changed.  

The ways that one tiny person shakes up your entire world.   

Moms are busy people.  Ha!

Now I know.  

Of all my requests I sent out, sweet Lindsay, mama to the adorable Krew

was on top of things and had this gem of a story to share.

Today seemed like a good day to finally pass it on to you.

Happy Mother's Day Eve!!

- - - - 

I couldn't erase the photos of my son's birth on my camera; in fact they are still there now. They are saved on my computer as well but seeing them on my camera every once in a while brings such wonderful memories. And so, there they will stay.

As a first time mom I was soooo anxious to see my little guy. I was excited to experience childbirth and excited to hold my little guy in my arms. The pain was so intense and contractions were strong and so different from anything I had ever felt. I was exhausted, so tired-- so so tired. They told me his head was near and then there he was on my chest, as real as real could be. I had a baby!! He was mine! And chunky! All thoughts of being tired and exhausted had vanished. I had the sweetest little baby in my arms and then in my husband's arms. I was so happy and so thrilled! Truly, it all felt very surreal! I knew I loved this little boy all along in my tummy but what a beautiful little miracle he was to see him in my arms. And the love just continues to grow from that moment on. And my heart is as full as ever with this little boy in my arms. It's been two and a half years since this moment but I hope and pray that someday I can experience these amazing newborn moments again.

Be sure to check out Lindsay's full birth story here and her gorgeous instagram feed here.

Stop Blinking

I already need to stop blinking, because seriously.  Where did the last two months go??


They passed with endless days on the couch healing my poor torn body.
They passed with innumerable episodes of past Amazing Race seasons while nursing.  (I even have dreams about being on the show now.  Ha!)
They passed with washing his tiny clothes over and over again.
They passed with hundreds of little face, kiss attacks.
They passed with a million whispered prayers that he grows up to love Jesus.
They passed with 3:00 am feedings and explosive diaper changes.
They passed with nuzzling his soft, plump cheeks.
They passed with walks and stories and face-exploding smiles.

It's as though nothing has changed and yet everything has.  My hearts cries out for his tininess, but soars as he grows.  

Is this how it feels when your babies start walking?  

When they learn to read?  

When they drive off alone for the first time?  

When they walk down the aisle marry their best friend?  

When your babies start having babies?!

Is this how it feels?

Triumphant, yet achy way deep inside?!

I never want to loose the wonder of it all.  Because it's the wonder makes me cherish it in a deeper way.  It reminds me that today is my favorite. 

Today it what I have to hold onto.

So we will keep having adventures.

We won't cry over the 17th shirt-drenching spit-up of the day.

We will read stories and go to the park.

We will pray together and tell Bible stories.

We will admit that parenting is hard and confusing, but wonderful.

We will kiss and cuddle and stop to look in the clear blue eyes.

And of course we will keep snapping pictures like a maniac because somehow I will probably keep blinking and then our sweet Surprise Boy will be all grown up.